I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
