Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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