um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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