one might say we're banned from that church
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
