College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
