i jhust puked up my retainher.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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