I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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