why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
