My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
