well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
