he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
