yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
