i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
