So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She's the barista slut.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
