I got chris browned last night
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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