It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
