And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
