Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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