If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
