woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
