It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
