I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
