peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
