Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
