Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
