apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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