Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
