my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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