im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
