I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize