No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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