So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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