No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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