I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
