were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize