we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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