One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My vagina just recognized that song.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
