I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
