She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
