i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
