I puked a lego.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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