At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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