sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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