Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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