i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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