His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
