I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize