Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
