went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
