I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
