I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Let's paint friendship bongs
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
