spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
