Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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