Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
