Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
