I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
