White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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