There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
