I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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