put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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