i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
