Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
