I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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