I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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