I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
