Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
