i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
