yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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